Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize