i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
