what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
