i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize