i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
