Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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