While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize