Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
