I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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