are you so shy because you have an std?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
