he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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