I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
