ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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