he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
