I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
