Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
