so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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