So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
