the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
