apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
