i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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