dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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