Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
