we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
