I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
