Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
