I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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