Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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