you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
