its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
