Me too!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
