You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
