Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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