I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
