You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
