I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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