how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
