omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
