My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize