I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
