And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize