i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
