I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
