Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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