I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The adults are the big ones right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
