The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he puts the penis in happiness.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize