Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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