just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
