My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize