I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
