using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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