I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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