Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
