yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
