I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
