Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
