with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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