hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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