Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
