So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
