I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize