Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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