People in love make me want to vomit
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize