I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize