i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
