you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Terrible idea I love it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
