And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize