I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
