the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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